


A Whole New Person (Hiatus)

by KinKitagawa



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: DO you guys want smut?, Keith x Lance hurt, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance's Mother, Like, M/M, Omgf Keith go hug ur boyfriend, Past Love interest, There will be heart breaks, This will be one hell of a ride, lance is a mess, prepare your assholes, self hatred, there will be angst, there will be kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-09-13 13:38:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9126013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinKitagawa/pseuds/KinKitagawa
Summary: Everyone thinks they know Lance. Keith is a complete mystery.Yet, what if it's the other way around?Lance has been putting on a mask for years. He's afraid.Keith is realizing more and more changes in his rival. He is worried.Hunk, Shiro, and Pidge know something's wrong, but they just can't figure it out.Allura and Shiro, however, decide to play detective.





	1. The Fool

(Just a little note- this fic reaaaally stretches time in the actual story. I know a lot happens directly after Pidge reveals to everyone, but let's just pretend that the trips take a lot longer. A LOT lot longer.)

It was right after Pidge revealed her own secret that Lance really started thinking.

'Owning who you are is going to make you a better Paladin...' Those were Shiro's words. There wasn't an hour that had gone by since they were spoken that Lance didn't think about them. Because of those words, he had his own doubts about himself.

It had been a week in Earth time since Pidge's secret. Team Voltron had just finished another day of training, and Lance wanted nothing more than to seclude himself for a while. "Who am I?" He whispered to himself, the door to his room closing behind him. There were a lot of obvious answers to that question. His nature was that of a clown. He liked cracking jokes, and living in a light atmosphere. He never liked being in positions that grappled with his emotions.

Which.... was exactly why he hated where he was now. That's why... he hated himself.

It had all started when he met Keith. The fun in having a rival he could compete with was addicting. The feeling of becoming stronger and stronger, learning more and more, it was exhilarating. Especially when he could use said skills to win in competitions.

Then... he began feeling something more.

He remembered how his family felt on the subject. They took every chance possible to humiliate the very idea. Lance knew that this wasn't something he could be open about. So... he began acting.

It was almost like he had created a second personality. This second personality had every aspect of the old Lance, however, it was missing the exact part of him he was trying to hide That was replaced with a flirtatious front. That flirty part of him awed some, annoyed others, and fooled everybody.

Nobody had a clue.

'Owning who you are is going to make you a better Paladin...'

Shit.


	2. Blu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone thinks they know Lance. Keith is a complete mystery.  
> Yet, what if it's the other way around?  
> Lance has been putting on a mask for years. He's afraid.  
> Keith is realizing more and more changes in his rival. He is worried.  
> Hunk, Shiro, and Pidge know something's wrong, but they just can't figure it out.  
> Allura and Shiro, however, decide to play detective.

It was times like this in which Lance was truly grateful for the play his school put on in first grade.

He was put as the main character, a boy named Blu. Blu was an orphan farmer who tried his best to make friends, but couldn't because of his rude personality. Finally, after changing himself into a more likable person, Blu became surrounded by friends. 

Lance, however, never understood the message. Why the hell would you have to change yourself for people to like you?

His teacher's answer was very, very confusing at the time.

"No one wants to be around mean people, Lance."

"But why? Anyone can be nice again. If you stick with them, they'll be nice! I know it!"

"..."

The answer wasn't confusing to Lance anymore. In fact, he felt as if he was an older version of Blu. Someone with an unspeakable secret. That, if told, will drive his world into madness. His friends would leave. He would be scorned by family. His motivation to live would be lost.

But if you change the parts of yourself that you don't like, everything will be okay. You'll have friends. You'll have family. 

You'll be loved.

Show them what they want to see.

Play the character that you must to survive.

Which, brings us to the situation Lance had been forced into. Allura had been inspired by Pidge's bravery, and decided to hold a bonding exercise. The more she explained, the more horrified Lance grew. The more she talked, the more Lance wished to throw himself off the ship, never to be seen again.

"Put on these headsets, Paladins! I will assign you a partner, and you will be hooked up to said partner. Then, you must find three interesting facts about them by sifting through their memories. It will be fun! As, I know, none of you have anything to hide anymore."

Was she mocking him? Did she know his secret? Did she want everyone to know of the pools of misery and self hatred he was drowning in? No. Allura was honest. Allura was honest and pure. Unlike Lance.

He built up the courage to dig up his superior acting skills once more.

"Ah, sorry sweetheart. I know you wanna see all the love letters I wrote for you last night through those funky headsets, but I was too busy puking my guts out to do anything. Y'know, I REALLY don't want anyone to see that! Space Sickness, and all, say! Why don't I go lie down! Is that okay with ya'll?"

He plastered a goofy grin onto his face. This came more naturally than the lies he was coughing up.

Lance scanned the faces of his teammates in the brief moments of silence. Allura looked concerned. She believed it. So did Coran, Hunk, Pidge, and... Keith. Lance felt something small pierce his heart. He was glad the black haired teen believed him, but still....

Shiro, however, did not look convinced.

"You sure, Lance? You looked fine coming in here." He countered. Pidge's expression of worry wavered. Lance's heartbeat quickened.

"Yeah... sure did. Buuuut now, I'm not feeling good! Must've been something wrong with this morning's Space Goop. Now, I really SHOULD get to bed..."

Shiro looked down, as if saying he had been defeated. Lance knew enough about trickery to know that Shiro simply wondered what Lance would do next, but at that point, he would welcome any excuse to get out of that cursed exercise. "Thanks guys! Sorry I can't participate. Gotta go before the floor around me takes on a new color. Later!"

He ran as fast as he could back to his room. The door slamming behind him spooked him a little but he was far too deep in a state of panic to comprehend what he had just heard.

Lance could hear the accelerated beat of his heart in his ears.

He wanted to cry, but his eyes were glued open and dry. He wanted to scream, but his throat was too parched.

His mind was running at incredible, yet horrible speeds. Simulations of what could have happened if he didn't act raced through his vision. Memories that could have been revealed flashed in his sight like blinding lights he just couldn't look away from. 

Being rejected by his closest friend in fifth grade after sharing his secret.

Painful.

Half finished coming out letters to his parents at home.

...Too Bright.

Seeing that one person in the halls of the Garrison. That one, stupid, beautiful person that he just couldn't get closer too. That one, soft light that was comforting and easy to look at. Knowing all to well that they probably didn't even know your name.

Blinding. Hurting. Pain... Pain.. Pain.

No more...

\------------------------------------

Keith scowled after Lance has the Blue Paladin rushed out of the room. "Idiot can't even keep his breakfast down? Come on..." Was that what he really thought of the brown haired clown? Well, who knows. Keith trusted his instincts, and that seemed like the appropriate thing to say.

Shiro, however, shook his head. "No. Lance isn't sick, but let's let him go for now."

Pidge stared at him with confusion showing clearly on her face. "Then, why would he leave all of a sudden?"

Shiro's expression turned grim. A chill shot up Keith's spine, and he clearly knew that whatever Shiro was going to say, he wouldn't like.

"I'm not exactly sure what, but Lance is hiding something. And whatever it is, it's big."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo.... um...  
> Wtf is up with all those HITS?  
> This is Rias and I's first fic on here, and... not even joking, he cried.  
> \-----------  
> Thank you to everyone who enjoyed this. We are both very happy with the first part, and hope that many of you will come back again and again. If you wish to contact us with any feedback, or wish to know us better (doubt it, Rias) our instagrams are @RogueRias and @KInkitagawa (shameless self promotion to, eh?)


	3. Shiro's Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I just want to apologize for the long break. After my first trip to the hospital, I ended up landing myself back in the emergency room right after. But... I'm back :)  
> To help with more updates, our friend Claire will be helping with the chapters.  
> I hope you guys aren't too mad.  
> -Kin
> 
> PS, sorry that this is short. We'll whip up something longer for the next one ;D

Pidge wasn’t too excited about the whole “sift through memories” thing. She enjoyed having her own little bubble of privacy, and knowing things that others don’t. Thankfully, Hunk didn’t find anything too embarrassing in her memory. In the end, the bonding drill went off without a hitch.

Well, not really.

“Shiro! Keith! What in the world is going on over there?” Allura exclaimed. Pidge and Hunk turned their heads to the commotion, only to find a cenario they expected not to be possible.

Keith and Shiro… were fighting?

“Would you stop thinking about Lance for once? You’re ruining the exercise!”

“The fact that you have no concerns about what happened earlier amazes me, Keith. It’s despicable!”

“Who cares?! It’s probably something stupid anyway!”

“Both of you, BE QUIET!!!” The two bickering teammates whipped their heads around to Allura, startled at her tone. Her eyes radiated annoyance.

The Princess turned to Pidge. “You two, free time until dinner.” She murmured. Her voice grew hostile as she glared at the black and red Paladins. “As for you two… we are going to have a little chat.”

\---------------------------------

Shiro wasn’t sure what to think anymore. His gut told him something was wrong. It didn’t matter how trivial the problem was. It didn’t matter that Lance’s excuse was a bad one. Whatever was happening… Shiro wanted to get to the bottom of things.

First obstacle- Keith.

"Now... explain yourselves." Allura commanded. Keith groaned and crossed his arms. "All I saw in Shiro's head was Lance. Lance Lance Lance, I just! It was pissing me off!" Shiro stiffened, attempting to hold in the bubbling anger rising in his gut. "What we saw earlier wasn't Lance. And I wish to understand why he didn't want to do this exercise." He explained.

"You're overthinking this!"

"I've been with everyone long enough to detect when something is off."

"Like hell you can!"

Shiro was so close to losing it. The scene of Lance leaving played over and over again in his head. They couldn't afford to lose Lance. They couldn't form Voltron without him!

Suddenly, a thought crossed Shiro's mind that relaxed him. What if... Keith was right? What if he really was just overthinking everything?

He took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'll let this go." He muttered. The glint of triumph in Keith's eyes made the pit of anger want to resurface, but he quelled his rage by simply walking away. No one stopped him.

Shiro was about to go to his own dorm, until he found himself stopped at the door of Lance's. He knocked on the metal door.

"Hey... Lance? It's Shiro. Everything okay?"

There was no response. All he could hear was heavy breathing coming from the other side of the door. SHiro's mind clouded with concern.

"Okay, Lance-"

"I'M FINE! I mean, everything is fine. It's contagious around here, you know!" Lance's voice was raspy, and it cracked multiple times throughout his sentence. Shiro was convinced. Something was wrong.

His mind snapped back into reality when he heard Lance's voice again. "You should really go."


	4. Marco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of Lance x OC in this chapter, but don't worry. Your promised Klance is on it's way!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sick today, so I decided to write the next chapter. Me, Kin, and Rias have a shared document on the e ntire plot line for this fic, so... I just did it v('-')v  
> Unfortunately, I don't speak Spanish. And this chapter has a boatload of Spanish.  
> This is where Rias's megabrain would've been nice. He speaks 4 languages fluently, one of them being Spanish. However, he's at school (He's probably ditching, but shhhh)  
> So, sorry for any mess ups in the wording. I'll really try, I swear!
> 
> You're friendly neighborhood third wheel,  
> Claire

Nobody ever asked questions about Lance. 

"Hey Hunk! Did your Mom really teach you how to bake? Can you bake something for me?"

"Pidge, Pidge! Tell me what your girlfriend's like!

"Hey Hunk, can you teach me how to use this?"

"Yo, Pidge! Can you instruct me on how to build this?"

Pidge and Hunk always just greeted the questions with smiles and nods, while Lance waited patiently for them to finish. He had always imagined that, if he were in a movie or book, he was most definitely a background character. One of those voluntary extras that has no significance to the story.

Yeah, he fit that description too well.

His room felt colder, and a lot larger. He felt small. Lance pulled the blankets from the bed over his body, which was curled up like a lifeless rock.

He was glad that no one asked about him. He acted. So what. He created a whole new personality for himself. Big deal. But lying was a skill he always lacked. His lie about being sick earlier was the best one he ever told. But in reality? Lies just never came to him.

If someone had ever asked, "Hey, how are things at home?" Or, "Why did you enroll here?", he would have been screwed

-Flashback-

Lance was in the middle of the fifth grade. He was your average kid. Lots of energy, a need to impress, and a fascination with space. Except, in Lance's case, he was the most passionate kid you would ever see. 

Oh sure, his classmates had hobbies, but what Lance loved wasn't just a simple pass time. He wanted to be a pilot. He wanted to fly a spacecraft. He wanted to fight aliens. Space exploration... it controlled his life.

His Mother wasn't even sure how he came across all of that. They lived in a poor part of Varadero, Cuba, right next to the ocean. All of her children wished to someday become sailors, fisherman, and swimmers. But not Lance. No, he wanted the opposite. She always suspected it was her Grandfather's fault.

"Oh come now, Abuelo.... don't be filling mi Chico's head with nonsense! He'll never go to space... Santa Maria has nothing of the sort he can use to fulfill his wish!"

"Rosa, what is Lance doing right now?" The old man would ask. Lance's Mother lowered her head. "He is in his room reading a book... about the stars..."

"Don't you see, mi novia! As long as he has those books, Lance will find a way."

Lance had listened to that whole conversation. He clutched his book tighter in his small fist, smiling wide at his family. He was gonna get to space. He had to!

It was his destiny.

Unfortunately, fate works in mysterious ways.

Fate is never straightforward. And from that said fateful month forward, Lance would always believe in Equivalent Exchange. For something great, you must give something up.

\---------------------

"Lance, please. Por favor, vete afuera ..." His mother murmured. Lance's brain automatically translated the last part as "Please go outside." She spoke fluent English most of the time, but when she was stressed or angry, she would mix the two languages. Lance couldn't speak Spanish, but he sure understood it. After all, he was the most frequent subject of her anger.

"I will, Mama. Just let me finish this chapter." He muttered, focusing intently on the pages of his current story. There were no pictures. Just words... paragraphs and paragraphs of perfect English literature, writing out tragic scenes of an engine failure on an extraction mission to the smallest of Uranus's moons, Miranda.

"Es un hermoso dia. Solo vamos!" She whispered, annoyance showing on her face. "It's a beautiful day outside, just go". Lance translated under his breath. 

"Okay okay, just, at least let me take my book with me!"

"Fine. Now leave."

Lance laughed a little and stood up, cradling his book under his arm. Leaving his mother behind in his room, he ventured out into the kitchen before leaving. His Great-Grandfather was in his armchair, an amused expression lingering on his wrinkled features. "Did Rosa kick you out?" He asked.

Lance smiled wide, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl. "Yeah, but it's okay though. I'll just keep reading when i'm out!"

His Great-Grandfather chuckled. "You better not let Rosa hear you. Or one of your siblings... they'll go yelling to Rosa about everything they know."

Lance simply laughed, taking a bite out of his apple. "Yep, yep, I'll be off now! Bye!"

The warm summer heat of Santa Maria was sickening. Lance could practically feel the juices being sucked out of his apple. "Geez... cant'cha let up a little bit, Mr. Sun?" Lance groaned. He wondered if during the summer, it was that hot in Space. He shook his head, annoyed about how obvious the answer was. 

The ocean always made Lance happy. The ocean was a sign of home to him. So when he sat on the damp sand, with the soft waves lapping over his bare feet, the harsh sun turned warm, like a hug. It was a feeling of joy.

It was bittersweet, in a way, as well. Being near the ocean was like a wake up call to Lance. It reminded him that he was still in Santa Maria, still on Earth. No matter how many times he had told himself that the only reason was that he was too young, his heart rebelled. So what if he was only 10 years old? He was plenty ready for the unknown world!

Lance hugged his book tight to his chest, eyes determined. He would go to flight school some day. He would become a pilot. He had too! That was the only way he would be truly happy, right?

"¡Oye! ¿Estás bien?" He heard a voice coming from straight above him. 

"Am I... okay?" Lance translated breathlessly. He was lost. Very lost.

The owner of the voice looked to be about the same age as him. He had caramel colored skin, dark eyes, and pitch black hair. He was smiling wide.

Now, past Lance didn't know much about love. But was this the first time he felt it? Even at such a young age? 

Yes, yes it was.

"Oh, you don't speak? That's okay, I know English too!" The boy exclaimed. He was wearing a plain blue T-Shirt, and old, tattered swim shorts. Both were soaked with water, and his hair was dripping wet. He stuck out a hand. "I'm Marco. Nice to meet you!"

Lance grinned and stuck out his own hand. "The name's Lance. And, ditto."

Marco plopped down next to Lance, the already damp sand growing darker around him. "So... what are you doing out here... uh... Lance?" Lance snickered.

"I know, I know, it's a weird name. But I was kicked out." He confessed. Marco's eyes lit up, causing Lance's heart to beat faster. "Then you're the same as me!" His face suddenly fell. "Apparently, my Mama thinks it's weird to sit around drawing all day, so she told me to slap on some swimming clothes and go out to the ocean." 

"Drawing?"

Marco's expression lifted once more. "Yes, it's lots of fun!" He cocked his head. "So, why did you get kicked?"

Lance lifted up his book for Marco to see. "All I do is read. Space stuff anyways."

"Woah- that looks expensive! Where did you get it?"

"My Great-Grandfather used to work at NASA. He has all kinds of stuff about Space."

"So cool! Tell me more!"

So Lance did. He and his new... friend.... talked for hours on the coast. Lance was beaming the entire time, and Marco was enthralled. 

From then on, Lance went from arguing with his Mother to making excuses to leave the house. Their meetings went on for about two years. It made his Mother wonder... just what was Lance doing?

"Marco! I brought a new book!" Lance called out to a waiting Marco, who was already siting at their normal spot by the water. Marco's smile widened. He was holding something. "Finally, you're here!"

The raven haired boy proudly held up a piece of paper. It was a sketch, of a spaceship. The colors looked cheap, but well used. The graphite on the page was smudging, but it still looked beautiful. Lance was thrilled. "That's so awesome!" Lance screeched, bouncing up and down. Marco grinned. 'Right? C'mon, I wanna see the new book.

They read the book at least three times, before discussing it. Lance felt like a scientist.

"Hey, do you like me?"

Lance stopped in his tracks, jaw unhinging. The question was so sudden... so uncalled for. The moment Marco's voice disappeared, Lance could feel his heartbeat run at a million miles an hour. 

"Huh?"

"I said, do you like me?" Marco repeated. Lance looked down at the book, mouth opening, preparing to lie. But he was interrupted.

"Don't say no, I know you do." Marco chirped. Lance could feel his face burning up.

"W-wha... how?"

"Artists are supposed to be able to notice small details. At first, the idea seemed ridiculous, but soon enough, my suspicions were confirmed."

"...."

"Don't worry, Lance. I like you too."

"WAIT... SERIOUSLY?"

"You don't have to shout it out! But yeah." All of a sudden, Marco's own cheeks flushed a light pink. "So... what do we do now? I know we're in different grades, you're in you're last year of Middle School... and I'm in High School now... but once Summer ends, we can still keep meeting like this... right?"

"I Don't- I don't see why we can't." Lance stuttered. Marco lit up like a firework. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes!"

Lance knew he seemed out of it on the outside, but his emotions were throwing a little party. Marco liked him back!

He couldn't peel the smile off his face the entire way home. He was so excited! He wanted to tell his Mother, and his Great-Grandfather, and anyone who was willing to listen. He was so excited!

But... someone had seen his interaction with Marco.

They weren't happy.

And, quite frankly, what was about to come would change both Lance, and his life, forever.


	5. Enter Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to have a lot of hate.  
> This chapter does not mean to offend anyone.  
> I actually cried a bit.  
> My parents were so supportive when I came out, so I didn't even know how to write this conversation.  
> Well... here it is.  
> -Kin

She was shocked. Petrified. Horrified.

She fell to her knees at the first glimpse. This wasn't a normal friendship. This was sin.

She clasped her hands together, whispering... begging the good Lord to forgive her son. Forgive him for his betrayal.

Because... Rosa McClain knew from the bottom of her heart that she would never be able to even look at her son again.

\------------------------

The best way to put it? Well, Lance felt like a Disney Princess who had just achieved her happily ever after.

Ha, happily ever after.

What a fucking joke.

All of Lance's happiness died away from the moment he he heard the sound of sobbing echoing from the living room. "Mama... are you okay?"

His Mother was on her knees in the common room, hands clasped together and held near her face. Above her was her favorite family heirloom- a wooden cross carved by her own Great-Grandfather, hanging loosely by a poorly hammered nail. Lance had often seen his Mother pray in front of the cross. Sometimes, she would even drag Lance and his siblings on their knees too.

But this... felt different.

"Mama?"

"Please make us a home of love an happiness. We praise you, oh Lord, and welcome your teachings into our family. Please stay by my side as we dispel the demons rampaging within us, and cure our sick..."

"Mama, why won't you answer me?" Lance murmured. He looked over to his Great-Grandfather's armchair, which was empty. "And where's Great-Grandfather?"

His Mother stopped whispering prayers. She didn't look back at him. "Leave."

Lance's eyes grew wide with shock. "Wait... why?"

Rosa McClain whipped around, eyes feral like a beast's. "I will NOT have a HOMOSEXUAL in this house!" She screamed.

Before he even knew what she said... before he could comprehend the words of utter cruelty that she had spoken... Lance was already crying. His tears seemed to flow out even faster when the message finally sunk into his brain.

Rosa dropped to the floor once more, her own face flaunting tears. "Why God..."

"¿Por qué hiciste así a mi hijo?"

Why did you do this to my son... why? Why was she saying things like that? Suddenly, it came to him. It hit Lance like a brick.

She had seen him and Marco.

"Mama... it's just him. It's nothing else... I'm not..."

"I KNOW you are! You are a Homosexual, you demon.... you demons can't fool me. I saw it! I saw it all!!!"

"Mama! Please! Why are you being like this... I love you!" Lance pleaded. His face was a teary mess. His hands were shaking.

"Do you love me?" His voice wavered. Rosa looked away from her son, eyes cold and steely. Lance soon came to understand those eyes. They were full of disgust... hatred... and pure malice. Lance felt like his own eyes had been opened up to a new world. He saw demons. So many demons... infesting his home. Crawling on his mother.

In himself.

Ah... it was clear. "It's my fault." He whispered, expression relaxing into something calm. No, calm wasn't the right word. He wore no expression at all. He was dead.

"I'm sorry that I was born this way-"

"I did NOT give birth to a HOMOSEXUAL!!!"

"Oh. Okay, I'm sorry for being this way." His voice was hollow and lifeless, mirroring his expression. Rosa turned around. She looked up at the cross, shaky hands steadying themselves into prayer.

"I will never lay my eyes on demons for as long as I live. Leave... I pray for myself now. God has turned his back on you."

"Okay."

Lance transferred into autopilot. His feet just... moved. Moved out of the place he once called home. It wasn't until he found himself 5 minutes later, standing at on the wet sand of the ocean did his brain finally begin working again. The doors to his heart opened... and a little wider than he had hoped.

It took him a minute to process the conversation that had just taken place.

His Mother...

Did he have a Mother?

Realization.

Acceptance?

No.

And he broke.

Anger... so much anger. No. It wasn't anger. It was self loathing. Resentment. Loss of all hope for his future, his relationships, everything. Relationships. Marco? What about Marco? This wasn't a time to think about that. His Mother was out of his life. WIth his Mother, went his family. He didn't have a family. Alone. Alone. All alone. He was-

"Are you not going to come back?" A voice sounded from behind Lance. He whirled around to meet light, blind blue eyes. "G-Great.... G-Great-Grandfather..." Lance murmured. His Great-Grandfather sent him a warm smile. The old man dug his weathered cane into the sand, before hobbling down to sit next to Lance.

"It is not my place to speak about this matter. As much as I despise Rosa's decision, there is nothing I can do to keep you in the house."

"So... you...

You want to abandon me too?!" Lance didn't realize that his voice had risen. the ancient man laughed humorlessly. "I am a bad person, Lance. I'm a coward."

"What's that supposed to mean? That's an excuse!"

"Rosa is controlling. After your Father died, this household went to hell. Your Grandmother and I have been trying to protect you from it."

"Well, you're doing a hell of a job right now!" Lance screamed angrily. The tide had retreated greatly, and the sound around the two was drying. However, the golden granules were speckled. It seemed they were going damp again with tears.

Lance was in hysterics. His Great-Grandfather sighed.

"You had an older sister, you know. He was like you in a way."

"I had.... an older sister?" Lance repeated. The old man nodded. "Her name was Adriana. She met most of Rosa's standards. She was kind, beautiful, and a hell of a fisherman. But... she had one small problem."

"...what?" Lance muttered.

"Adriana was born a boy."

Lance's eyes flew open in shock. He had heard of people who were transgender, but his Mother openly showed her distaste for the matter so many times he hadn't even thought about it.

"She was born as Atlas. But the strong name didn't fit a lady like her. Your Grandmother absolutely adored Adriana. And Adriana was such a great girl... then... Rosa caught on to what was happening. She flipped. Adriana fought back, unlike you. She was very angry. But in the end, Rosa won. Adriana disappeared. You were only 6 at the time, so I'm not surprised you didn't remember."

So many emotions were running through Lance's head when his Great-Grandfather finished speaking.

"Why are you telling me this...?"

"Because I know where Adriana is now."

He held up a letter between his velvety fingers. The envelope was sealed with wax in a beautiful cobalt blue.

"This is a letter of recommendation to a school called the Galaxy Garrison. It teaches young misfits like you how to be astronauts, pilots, and explorers. This is what Adriana dreamed of doing as well. I don't know if she's still there, but I'm sure you will like it there."

"So... this is it." Lance said without emotion. "All of you are giving up on me."

"I am not giving up on you, Lance. I'm giving you a place to fulfill your dreams."

"What about family? What about Mama? You can't just expect me to forget this!"

"I'm running away, Lance. You must understand that. I can't deal with Rosa's anger." He laid a hand on Lance's shoulder, a hand that Lance desperately wanted to shake off. "There will be a plane with colors matching the seal on that envelope landed in the airport. Go there and show the pilot the letter by midnight, and he will give you a ride to the Garrison. Give the General the letter once you get there, and you will be enrolled immediately, for sure. Trust me on this.

Lance hung his head, and the tears returned. Everything that had happened that day was too much. Marco's confession, getting disowned by his Mother, the realization that even his most trusted friend wouldn't be there for him, the revelation of Adriana, and the Galaxy Garrison.

He couldn't even look at his Great-Grandfather. He simply grabbed the letter, and walked away. He smiled softly, raising his hand. "See ya."

Lance began the trek to the airport. He didn't even realize that he was walking. Nothing seemed real. Everything felt like a horrible nightmare. He wanted out. Out of everything he knew before. Or did he want everything back? He was confused. Disgusted, Resenting, depressed, and dead. But mostly confused.

"Hey, Lance! What are you doing here?"

Lance didn't even need to turn his head to know it was Marco.

It was funny.

Earlier that day, even the mention of Marco's name made Lance's heart jump.

Not, the love he had felt for the beautiful boy seemed like a distant memory. Puppy love.

That was the day Lance learned to lie. "Passing through. I have to deliver this to the airport." Level One.

"Oh, can I come with you?"

"Sorry, it's secret family business." Level Two.

"When will you be back?"

"Midnight." No turning back now. With each word, Lance felt like a needle was being stuck into his heart. It stung. He didn't like lying.

"Okay then. See you tonight! I'll be waiting."

But Lance never came back. Instead, the blue-eyed, broken hearted thirteen-year-old hopped on a plane and flew away. No one in the small town of Santa Maria ever saw him again.

Many years in the future, Lance would come to regret that decision. He would cry over the one he left behind, hating himself even more than he already did. It was pure, red as blood self-loathing. He left the only person who would have helped him behind.

And for what?

To fall in love with someone else who won't even take him seriously?

Why....

Why?

Why did all of his decisions end in his soul being shattered?


	6. Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this fan fiction was just me and Rias. Then Claire joined in when I was hospitalized. Now, our squad has come full circle with this. Freya FINALLY watched Voltron (Both Seasons in one day. How does she do it?) and she is already pestering me for Klance fan art.  
> Since she and Rias live near each other, Rias is gonna write today's chapter while teaching Frey the works. I just sent this little note to him via google docs, so I hope he puts it in.  
> Hooray for unity!!!  
> -Kin

It had happened three times since they had found the blue lion for the first time. He would remember everything. His Mother, his Great-Grandfather, Marco, and everything in between.

Then, he would lose it.

…..

Lance never remembered what he actually did, but he would wake up with new dents in the walls, wounds he didn’t have the night before, and droplets of blood scattered like paint around his room.

His eyes stung, and his head was full of questions.

For instance, why?

Was it anger?

Fear?

Who was he angry at?

Who did he fear?

What did he fear?

Why didn’t he just forget?

He knew all the answers already.

That the part he was angry about. Lance was angry...because he knew what he did to Marco was wrong. He knew what his Mother did was wrong. He was angry at himself. He was wrong. He was angry at himself for losing his emotions to rage. He was angry that he had emotion in the first place.

So, what did he fear?

He feared his teammates would find out. That they would be sympathetic. That they would pretend that they knew what was going on. He feared that, after they felt they had done enough, they would abandon him. That Keith would abandon him. Keith would never look at him again.

And… if he forgot? If he just decided to abandon his past?

He was sure he would end up reliving it.

\---------------------------------

Shiro was certain. Shiro was 100% sure. And that sleepless night of hearing what sounded like an angry bull in a china shop, Shiro knew.

Lance.

Wasn’t.

Alright.

No one seemed to think anything of it when they gathered for breakfast that morning. In fact, Shiro was pretty sure no one even heard what was going on.

No one even tried. It was so obvious… so unbelievably obvious….

“Sorry guys, I overslept a bit. Morning!!” A new voice entered the room. It was scratchy, and quieter than normal. 

“Of course you did. Just sit down.” Keith groaned, seemingly annoyed for no reason.

“Hey Lance. How did you sleep?” Shiro asked, eyes widening at the sight before him.

Lance looked like hell.

His eyes were red, puffy, and bloodshot, with dark circles underneath. His hair was disheveled, which was so un-Lance like that it hurt to look at. And… was that blood?

“Here you go!” Pidge chirped, handing Lance a nice, heaping plate of food goo. Lance flashed her a smile. “Thanks!” And he began to dig in. Every bite looked like it hurt.

Shiro shot a glance at Pidge. When he caught her gaze, he slyly pointed at Lance. “Do you see this?” He tried to convey the message best he could. Pidge seemed to get the message, squinting her eyes at Lance. Suddenly, she stiffened. Turning her eyes back to Shiro, she mouthed out a single word.

“Blood.”

“Shomshing wong? Why’sh it sho quiet?” Lance questioned, mouth full of food.

“Swallow first.” Keith muttered, rolling his eyes. Shiro grimaced. Keith was a smart guy. A really, really smart guy. So… why didn’t he notice anything?

Shiro felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Hunk. Shiro’s heart lifted with relief when he saw Hunk’s expression. He knew something was up too.

Shiro pushed out his chair, standing abruptly. “Sorry guys, we’ll leave you here alone for now. Pidge, Hunk and I need to have a quick meeting with the Princess.” He addressed. Hunk and Pidge nodded, standing with him.

Lance looked panicked. “Wait, why are ya’ll leaving me here with this guy? This is harassment!” His words seemed light-hearted enough, but his tone sounded serious. 

Shiro sighed. Just wait here for a little while. When you’re finished, you’re free to do anything. We’ll be going now.” 

Lance hung his head, but Shiro ignored it. This is for your own good…

Once they were out of earshot, Pidge sprung the question that was on everyone’s minds. “Okay, what in the world was up with Lance? Bad hair? No way! And those eyes… I’ve seen him more times than I can count with cucumbers on his eyes! And the blood… Shiro…”

“This is scaring me. That wasn’t Lance. It couldn’t have been.” Hunk whispered. 

Shiro simply nodded. “I know. That’s why we’re going to the Princess.”

“She WILL hear about this.”


	7. Obviously Oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claire was able to go home early, because of school complications and stuff.  
> But literally the day after we submitted the story, and minutes after Claire left...  
> Rias got sick.  
> I'm blaming the missed time on Rias.  
> Shame on you.  
> Shame. (Jk. We love you)  
> -Kin

Keith was... in simple terms, pissed. His expression was filled with annoyance as he watched his fellow Paladins leave him alone. Alone... with Lance, of all people. Lance! It just had to be Lance!

When he was around Lance, he felt angry. Annoyed. No, that wasn't the way to describe it.

He theorized a long time ago that the "annoyance" came straight out of his childhood.

When Keith was younger, he would always get sick for no reason. He would wash his hands compulsively, take extra vitamins, and eat healthily. Yet, in the end, he would always find himself right back in the sick bed. 

It was the same when it came to Lance. Even just thinking of the guy, he would begin to feel hot and feverish. His heart would start beating rapidly, and he felt like a complete wreck.

For no reason!

The two sat in silence for about five minutes.

"So? Are you almost done?" Keith grumbled. He heard Lance sigh. "I wasn't very hungry in the first place."

Another long, silent pause.

"Are you going to leave then?" Keith whispered, raking his hair into his face to hide the redness.

Slowly, he heard Lance rise. "Yeah, sorry. I'll go."

\--------------------------

"This is a problem," Allura whispered. She, Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro were hiding behind a corner, watching Keith and Lance's brief exchange. Shiro shook his head, disappointed at what he was seeing. 

"I was sure this was just a problem with Lance, but Keith has a problem too."

"Stubbornness." Pidge answered. Hunk straightened up. "Are we still going to ignore the fact that Lance looks like someone was just murdered in front of him? Or... maybe.... he was the murderer?"

"Definitely not," Allura declared. "It seems to me that Lance is suffering from a case of Glurbiquorzik." 

"Translation?" Pidge asked.

"What do humans call it... Anxiety? Depression? I guess they're two different things for humans, but for Alteans, the symptoms usually come in a little nasty package. You may get it after a family member or friend dies... or after a particularly bad experience."

"Princess... you must be mistaken. Lance isn't... no... you know how he acts. We all do. That's impossible."

"Lance is so cheerful!" Hunk insisted. Allura simply sighed. "It is possible for anyone."

Shiro looked down, thinking back to what had compelled him to believe something was wrong with his friend. In his eyes, Lance just seemed paranoid. Paranoid about something... but what?

Allura suddenly looked determined. "We'll get a confession out of Lance, I promise. But for now... Keith."

Shiro couldn't help but laugh a little at Keith's situation. "It's obvious... right?" He asked. Everyone nodded.

"Let's have a little chat with him."


	8. Questions and Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rias went to his Winter Formal in a sexy Luigi costume and his popularity skyrocketed.  
> I re-dye my hair green, and I'm called a leprechaun.  
> Technically, my Birthday's on St. Patrick's day, but come on. That is SO unfair.  
> Damn him and his pretty face.  
> Freya's laughing at me over my shoulder as I'm writing this.  
> Damn you too. I'm sensitive. And older than you.  
> Oh yeah. Fan Fiction. My bad.  
> -Kin

Keith sliced down another simulation attacker, breathing heavily. He had been training for at least two hours, but it didn't feel like enough. He still felt sick.

And being sick was annoying.

And annoying things had to be CUT. DOWN.

Wave after wave of electronic enemies flung themselves at them, and each time, Keith was able to destroy them with ease. So why...

Keith imagined the next attacker as Lance. Flirty, light-hearted, stupid Lance. Imaginary Lance drew a sword, and Keith steadied his own, ready to shield himself. 

Imaginary Lance met swords with the Red Paladin, and Keith was able to push him down. He pointed his sword down at Imaginary Lance's throat, in total control. He could destroy the simulation.

But...

How come...

He just couldn't kill Lance?

Many times before, Keith had imagined the attackers as his teammates, even Allura at one point. He knew he had to be prepared for the very possibility that his friends might turn. And each time, even if it was done reluctantly, Keith's determination prevailed.

So why?

What about Lance made him so special, that Keith couldn't bring himself to kill him? Even if it was just his imagination, projected onto a simulator?

Five minutes had passed, and Keith was on his way to his room, dejected. Lance had been bothering him all day. All day! Why couldn't he get the blue-eyed idiot out of his head?

"Hey, Keith! You have a second?" A voice called out. At the end of the hall, Shiro was standing near his own room's door, waving his hand. Keith stopped in his tracks, wondering what his fellow Paladin could possibly need from him. He walked towards Shiro. "Sure, what do you need?"

The moment he got close to his friend, Shiro swiftly pushed open the door, and two pairs of hands reached out and grabbed his arms. It... was Pidge and Hunk!

They pulled him into Shiro's room, and the second Keith's entire body had been moved inside, Shiro shut the door again, proceeding to stand guard. 

Keith tried to escape, but Hunk and Pidge's grips were too strong. "What the hell is this?" Keith growled. Out of nowhere, Allura stepped next to Shiro, her arms folded.

"Keith... we need to have a serious talk."

"Huh?"

"It's about... the way you were acting at breakfast."

"You wouldn't know! You abandoned me with Mr. Airhead for basically the entire time!"

Pidge laughed a little. "We... were spying."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Keith! Calm down!" Shiro barked, his authoritative voice enough to practically force Keith to mellow. Shiro sighed. "We need you to answer a few questions honestly. Please... it's for your own good."

Keith nodded reluctantly. 

"Now... how do you feel towards Lance? What do you feel when you're around him?" Shiro asked. Keith groaned, not expecting nor wanting a question that had anything to do with the Blue Paladin. But... this was Shiro. He couldn't leave out anything.

"I feel... hot. Feverish. Sick to my stomach, and I almost feel like I can't breathe. I don't want to be near him, but when I'm finally at a good distance away, I can't help but think about him. He's like a germ. A germ that annoys the hell out of me."

Allura shot a quick glance at Shiro, before asking her own question. "Do you truly find Lance annoying?"

"Of course!" Keith exclaimed. "If someone was on your mind that much, and made you feel that weird, you would want him away from you, right? That's what annoying means, right? Right?"

"Keith." Shiro murmured. "Have you ever considered the possibility that you may, you know, like Lance? In a romantic sense?"

Almost immediately, Keith's face flushed a deep shade of red, and he could have sworn it was on fire. His heartbeat sped up. Pictures of Lance flooded through his head. Lance smiling, Lance laughing, Lance, Lance, Lance.

"I can't... no, Lance makes me feel unusual. I can't like him, no, I'm not gay or anything... am I? I'm confused... he's annoying, though, but, is he?" Keith mumbled.

Shiro smiled softly. "Pidge?"

Keith looked behind him just in time to see Pidge push up her glasses.

"Common symptoms of hopeless crushes include: basically everything you just mentioned. Face it, Keith. You. Like. Lance."

Keith looked down, no longer struggling against his restraints. Did he? Did he really?

He always thought Lance was annoying...

He treated him like a disease...

He was HORRIBLE to him...

No... He had his answer now.

He knew deep down, that he had to do exactly as Pidge said. He had to face reality.

And reality was the unavoidable fact that Keith had it bad for the blue-eyed sharpshooter.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Lance was done. He was so, damn done.

He sifted through his memories of being with Keith, desperately trying to understand just what he did to anger him so much. Sure, he had teased the guy here and there, but who didn't?

Why did Keith hate him so much?

Why was he treated with such hate?

He didn't understand. He decided he would never understand.

Did Keith know something about him? Did he know about how gross he was... to be the way he is?

Did Keith know about his mask, and how weak he was for not being able to even properly act strong?

Ha, Keith wouldn't care. Keith would never care about someone so insignificant...

So horrible...

So weak...

Lance was searching for answers. At first, he wondered how he would confess. That progressed to planning how to hide. His deadly cycle had reached it's final stage.

Simply drowning into nothingness.

His face pressed up against his damp pillow, and his heart devoid of color...

Lance vowed to forget himself.

Yes...

That was the right answer.


	9. What Lies Behind the Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short! Rias, Claire, and I are going to Disneyland tomorrow, and like an idiot, I didn't pack. At all. In fact, I didn't do laundry either.  
> I'm smart!  
> But I didn't want to leave ya'll too long without a chapter, so here we are!  
> Also, this story will probably be only two or three more chapters, so if any of you have any ideas for the next story, that would be awesome! Any fandoms work! (I need new anime, help.)  
> -Kin

Bringing Keith to his senses was a lot easier than Hunk had originally thought.

However, after knocking on Lance's locked door for two hours without a response, it became clear to him the real challenge wasn't Keith.

"Lance! Please, just say something! What the hell happened?" Pidge yelled, banging her fist on the door again. Shiro had gone to find something to force the door open after it became clear to everyone present that nobody could pick locks.

"Dude, open up!" Hunk exclaimed, growing very, very worried. What if Lance had died? What if he was so sick, that he couldn't even move or speak? 

Keith had lost it. He was curled up in a ball, with his back against the wall, muttering aimlessly.

"What if I had made him mad.... what if he hates me.... what if he was actually sick.... he may be gone... it would be my fault... I didn't know.... I don't know what's going on... Lance... I'm begging you...."

"Laaance!!!!" Pidge cried, her movements becoming more frantic.

Shiro came back with a button that opened select doors in the castle, but it didn't work for the bedrooms. He also tried forcing it open with a large object, but the material used for the door itself was too strong.

"Do you think he really was sick?" Shiro murmured, breathless and crestfallen. Hunk didn't want to believe it. Lance was tough, wasn't he? He wouldn't let something as small as an illness take him down...

Right?

Lance really was strong...

Wasn't that true?

Nobody knew what to do anymore. They couldn't get into the room.

Allura sighed. "The last option is to shut down all currents through the castle. Since the door is run on electricity, shutting off the power would open the door... but it would prove dangerous to the castle's defenses. We would have to recharge everything... and who knows how long that would take-"

"DAMMIT LANCE!!!" Keith's voice suddenly echoed through the room. For the first time in an hour, Keith pulled himself to his feet, slamming both fists against the door.

"Why won't you answer us, huh? What's wrong with you!?"

His voice was full of pain and weariness. His breaths were erratic and heavy.

There was no answer.

Then, suddenly...

"K-keith?" A small, cracking voice presented itself from inside the room. Keith's eyes grew wide. "Lance! Are you okay? What's wrong?! Do you need help?!" He shouted.

The door opened.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

They had been there for at least an hour now. No... two hours? Lance didn't have a clue. He had lost his sense of time. He just wanted to sleep.

Sleep... and never wake up.

"Shiro, go find something, anything! We need to see if he's okay!"

That was Pidge. Oh yeah... Pidge. She was brave. She was confident, and strong, and so sure of herself...

Lance hoped they didn't find their way into his room. They would take one look at his sorry state and laugh, ridicule his weakness, and... and...

Lance shook his head and pushed his nose back into his pillow. He didn't want to be there any longer. Did the other paladins truly care?

Who was he kidding? Of course not.

Maybe... just maybe... he would disappear from the castle.

Float in space until he passed.

He would become just another piece of space junk.

That would be the easiest way to escape the pain. Lance wanted to do just that.

The only thing keeping him grounded....

Just one, simple thing...

"DAMMIT LANCE!!! Why won't you answer us, huh? What's wrong with you?!"

Huh?

That voice...

Lance sat up slowly, his muscles aching from the foreign movement. "K-keith?" He whispered.

He heard Keith's voice again, but his mind was so foggy that he couldn't make out the exact words.

He wanted to see Keith.

He wanted to hear what he had to say.

Lance opened his door.


	10. Hiatus Notice

Sorry, this isn't an update.

Seriously. You're going to hate us after this, but please don't be too mad.

Two of our members have found themselves in the hospital in the last week, both battling their own problems.

Knowing that the ones you care for so unbelievably much could very well die at any time is not a good way to work.

Until they're out, or at least, we know that they will be able to stage a full recovery, both of CKFR's stories will be on hold.

I'm very sorry, especially for our readers who are hearing this notice for the second time.

Please pray for them :)

Love,

Claire and Rias.

**Author's Note:**

> CKFR would like to ask you to turn off your phones (not really)
> 
> As we proudly present:
> 
> The worst fanfic on the face of the planet.


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